


Smooth Egg

by Bawgdan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drabble Collection, Drama, F/M, Romance, Trauma, prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:34:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27971675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bawgdan/pseuds/Bawgdan
Summary: Kylo bites his nails until his fingertips bleed.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. scab eater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would first like to say that these will all be short and experimental. They will be in chronological order and this an AU. I'm not a hard core super Star Wars nerd, the lore is overwhelming for me. So if you're a stickler for canon, this probably isn't the series of drabbles for you. My updates will most likely be sporadic. Thank you for reading. I hope you stick around and enjoy me attempting to write Reylo >_>

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_Live without convictions. Embrace the credo of your badness._

Kylo reminds _Ben_ in the mirror, resting his razor on the metal sink.

 _What is a bad man anyway?_ Seeking truth isn't bad. Pretending the ugly composition of his soul doesn't exist is willful ignorance. Kylo is intelligent. _I'm intelligent_. **You're intelligent and strong.**

His proof? The lacerations all over his body have healed pink. Craters in his skin from scabs he'd picked off an eaten out of frustration. A very childish habit that brings him comfort. Picking at his skin is something his does in the dark. There's stretch marks on his hips. His soul had been growing too big for his body. It took him a while to catch up. The ugly exploded inside of him. It's hard to think that he was conceived out of love, considering just how ugly he's grown to be. This self awareness is why he's so smart.

The rumor is that Kylo isn't a very certain person, what with his mercurial outbursts. That his unpredictability is a sign of weakness.

 _This is true_. Kylo isn't very secure, but that doesn't mean he isn't fighting to be every day. He killed his father—that's how dedicated he is to his transformation. The whites of his eyes are spotted with red since.

He dismisses brown-eyed _Ben_ from the mirror. Kylo washes the cream from his face, brushes his teeth, then cuts off the bathroom light. He tracks a puddle of wet footprints to his bed.

His eyes adjust to the sudden darkness and the shape of a feminine body. The silence texturizes, like he's standing inside the mist of a fog. The down of body hair stands up.

 _I know you_. He thinks.

Rey's breathing doesn't change. Her shoulders squared, neck stiff because she is watching something he cannot see. Kylo clears the distance, standing barely a foot behind her apparition. He can smell the sweat in her scalp. His room smells like a mixture of natural oils and perspiration. Grass too. And the cool feel of a season he's never experienced. Her ears stick out, reminding him of butterfly wings.

 _Only in an immaterial way_. Rey's voice is white noise, Kylo walks around her, to get a good look at her face. Her honey brown eyes beam through the shadows of his room. She is watching the sun wherever she is. He notices that her bottom lashes are longer than her top. Warm light haunts around her eyes. Rey meets his eyes with the restrained face of a menacing specter.

"Isn't that the best way to know someone?" Kylo speaks.

 _It could be, but only when it's reciprocated_. Strands of hair float over her eyes. There's a breeze he doesn't feel. _You don't want to be known_.

He doesn't want to be found out. There's a difference.

"What are you trying to say?" Defensiveness always hits like a muscle spasm.

Rey doesn't respond. He gets the feeling that she doesn't really know what she's trying to say, that it only felt appropriate. She brings about residual effect of despair. Maybe he doesn't know Rey, but he recognizes her melancholy. Sad people can't help but to notice each other.

So he corrects himself. _I don't know you, but I see you._

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	2. brain freeze

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Rey watches the moon with the same skepticism she observes her life with. It stares back at her, shiny like a marble. Unlike the two moons of Jakku, it's massive like a giant hole cut out of the sky or a menacing eye that even the clouds seem to avoid. 

Her back is clammy against the cool, wet rock, but she doesn't mind. The humidity embraces her in an intimate way that she isn't accustomed to, being deprived of a life of basic affection. Jakku is a hot and mean planet. Her skin stayed cracked, especially her lips. And in many small ways, Jakku had made her a mean person. She regards the new circumstances of her life with an angry eye—if all this time she was supposed to be this special person then what was the point in all of her suffering? 

She reasoned that inherently good people don't suffer and that is the problem. A large part of her isn't good. Her body consists of more water than goodness. Rey sucks on her chapped bottom lip. Jakku is so arid and she has suffered for so long, she doesn't believe her mouth will ever be soft. 

_"No one is all good."_ Kylo's voice slithers through her stream of thoughts, leaving ripples in her consciousness. He does this more often now but it is her fault for leaving herself vulnerable. How anyone could expect a loveless child to be strong bewilders her every day. Love is the foundation of strength, goodness the symptom. Goodness cannot be imparted onto someone who's never eaten a piece of it.

She cannot construct a witty response. Rey is good at being elusive. Kylo likes to think that he is an elusive person but his energy seeps into everything, hard to clean up after too. Her brain always feels sooty when he decides to slump away from their shared madness.

"What would you know?" She throws at rock that doesn't reach the moon. It plunks right down into the gulping ocean. 

She feels him thinking. His thoughts comb against her brain, as though it were contained in icy water and not her skull.

 _"A little more than you do, I'm sure,"_ is what he decides to say.

Maybe, if she sits still long enough, his presence will evaporate. So she leans her head back against the rock, her legs crossed, wiggling her toes with a fixed stare on the fat moon.

"Perhaps you do. I know nothing." She doesn't, this is a factual statement. Rey has no idea what she's doing anymore. "Go ahead. Rub it in my face."

A cold silence pools in her skull. She can feel the iciness behind her eyeballs, but Rey holds herself, steady. Her vision blurs. The moons liquify in her vision. The freezing sensation leaks down her spine.

And then she is alone, unsure if she had ejected him herself or if he'd left her body violently of his own accord. 

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End file.
